Revelation!

Courtesy of Mr. Edward T. Hall, cultural anthropologist extraordinaire (whose work I've quoted here before), I've had yet another amazing insight... not only into the fields and the people that study the human mind & human relationships, but an insight into my own mind.
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In his simple, clear-cut flow of writing, he says that we grow up, learn and continue to use things like TVs and cars throughout our lives, yet most of us have no clue about electronics or mechanics.....we can't describe how a TV or a car actually works. Similarly, we grow up and live our whole lives in a particular culture(s), yet most of us have no clue about how that culture works....how it affects us and how we affect it. And in many ways, culture is far more complex than electronics or mechanics.
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I've never looked at my cultural sensitivities and abilities like that.

Extension Transference

Another one of the interesting ideas from what is turning out to be the best book I've read in the past few months - Beyond Culture by Edward T. Hall.

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Hall refers to things like language, tools, instruments etc. as 'extensions' -- things that humans used to overcome their physical limitations, and thereby evolve more radically than any other species. These extensions have many fascinating characteristics......over the millennia, most have grown to become separate entities in themselves, with their own bodies of knowledge and skills to be learnt.

But because extensions can take on a life of their own, they are also confused with the process that was originally extended. He calls this confusion 'Extension Transference'. And one of the most complex system of extensions which is often subjected to transference, is culture. Culture is experienced as man and vice versa. Further, man is frequently seen as a pale reflection of his culture or as a shoddy version that never quite measures up, and man’s basic humanness is frequently overlooked or repressed in the process

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Equifinality

All the stress and nightmares aside, I really am grateful for my dissertation process. Its led me to discover fascinating impressions and expressions, and has literally opened up my eyes, not only to the world outside, but the world inside me. Inside my mind, to be more specific! Now on, I'm going to post some of these ideas and thoughts that truly got me thinking.

From Tony Morden's Principles of Management:

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Equifinality

Is the idea that "similar ends can be achieved from different paths and from different starting points, for instance depending on the character of the conditions or contingencies prevailing in the external environment"
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How true this is of life.

I am plodding on through the process of completing my dissertation and its very easy to buckle under the more-than-healthy amounts of stress. Its even more easy to forget that there is a lot, in fact everything, in my life to be humbly grateful for...

...that I can devote all my time and attention to completing my education without having to work simultaneously;

...that I have a family giving me all the moral support and encouragement I need;

...that I have come into contact with knowledge and ideas that amaze and fascinate me;

...that I may have found the direction, the purpose of my professional life;

...that I just have the chance to learn.

That is what this is about. For the past few months, I've been living and breathing my dissertation. There have been times, like now, when I've felt like I'm submerged in a tube full of water and am struggling to get to the surface.... and every time I start to get close and see light, someone dumps more water into the tube and I go further down.

Its very easy in this process, to let your ego get totally carried away and feel like what you're doing will usher in the next Renaissance. What I need to remind myself is, like one wise man advising millions of students like me said, I don't have the responsibility of changing the whole world on my shoulders. This is a learning process for me. I need to be humble, I need to accept that neither I, nor minds far greater than mine, have found the answer. Its impossible in a subject like mine. I need to do my best, and just leave the rest....

G'bye Christmas Tree

This morning we took down our Christmas tree.....about two months later than most people (or maybe nearly everyone) did. Why? Because I wanted to have at least one birthday with the Christmas tree around. So I turned another year older a few days ago, baked a sexy chocolate cake, and had photos clicked of me hugging the tree.

I guess the basic reason why I wanted the tree to remain stems from sibling rivalry. My sis was born two days before Christmas, so she's always had the tree during her birthday. It wouldn't have been practical to leave the tree up that long in Bombay. But here..... central air-conditioning = relatively dust-free environment = no worries about the tree getting messed up = Shalom can have the Christmas tree till her birthday!

The Pursuit of Happyness

Saw this amazing movie based on the true story of an even more amazing person. God, it really drives home the point of how grit and determination to 'pursue' your dreams can totally transform your life. Of course, the path is never easy. In the case of Chris Gardner, the protagonist, it is a road that seemed impassable at times. The most heart-wrenching moment is when a homeless Chris spends the night sitting in a subway men's room, with his son sleeping on his lap; someone keeps banging on the door wanting to use the facility, but his son needs the rest, so he braces a foot against the door and covers his son's ears to block out the noise, tears streaming down his face.

Even if this were fictional, it would have been tremendously moving. But to know that somebody actually underwent this struggle..... it opened my eyes for a much needed introspection....

Droplets from my Memories

One of the better accidents of fate led a fellow blogger to leave a few thoughtful words for me. On visiting her blog, I was stunned to read a post that so closely mirrored a feeling that I have often had, yet could perhaps never have expressed as beautifully as this.

Reading it, I was inspired to leave a record of some droplets, pearls of my memories...moments when I felt uplifted, truly blessed to be alive and well, and at one with the universe...

- Hurrying on an overbridge at Kurla station, furious at every lecher jostling past, yet looking up all of a sudden and then feeling wonderfully calmed at the sight of a glorious full moon.

- That one instant on a monsoon evening, when the clouds part and the sun shines through briefly....have you ever noticed how ethereal the world looks then? And it is only in that fleeting moment, when all the elements are present: it has to be in the evening, with the sun at that precise angle, and with the clouds a specific shade of gray...the world around you lights up in a way that it never does otherwise, and pearls of water glisten in that magical light.

- Walking through Nariman Point, my mind anxious about work, and then feeling a refreshing sea breeze waft in....again I look up, this time its sunlight filtering through the trees, the first flower blossoms falling.....the beauty of Bombay in a short-lived spring.

- On a hilltop in Khandala, gazing at the panorama below in sheer awe, amazed that such vivid natural beauty exists only a couple of hours from the bustle of Bombay.

- One night in a garden outside Hyderabad, when despite a party rocking all around me, it was just me and the music, moving with a rhythm, with a freedom, with an exhilaration I had never felt before, nor since.

- Moments of shared, uncontrolled laughter....the pearls that can set you off even years later.

- Those few instances of true friendship, when despite the flaws, the fights, the disappointments, the loneliness, you realize that someone has selflessly stood by you. Or it is the unexpected phone call, email, SMS.....a few words that let you know that friendship transcends distance.

Emirates Palace Hotel

The Emirates Palace Hotel, Abu Dhabi

Not the best pic in the world (but decent enough considering I had to dash from the car with a guard shrieking on his whistle telling me to get lost). I had the opportunity to visit this architectural showpiece last night courtesy a corporate dinner. A chance to finally see the inside of this place (and the hope of mind-blowing food!) drew me there.

The hotel is, of course, the most ornately fabulous place I've ever been to. No expense has been spared in embellishing every inch of it. God bless those tireless, talented artists who combined to produce this wonder, and those who are in very likely thankless jobs, struggling to maintain its glory.

The buffet stunned us with its sheer extravagance (I've never seen a table with more dessert delicacies!), but alas, looks were deceiving in this case. It was good, but it couldn't compare to the exquisiteness of the fare at the much more humble Taj Khorfakkan.

We didn't get to see much of the hotel, but Insh'allah, someday I'll stay there on my own money.

Love at First Bite

In India, and apparently in the UAE too, the name 'Taj' is quite frequently adopted by many in the food and hospitality business. But the actual offerings rarely live upto the glory of their name. Fortunately, this wasn't the case with the Taj Khorfakkan Restaurant.

The bland European-style fare served at the hotel in Khorfakkan forced us to seek tastier avenues (that and the fact that the buffet cost a bloody bomb!). We were told that there was only one Indian restaurant nearby - the Taj. So we set off on our first evening, hoping for some less expensive, more wholesome food than our lunch had been.

Though it was neat and clean, the place didn't have any 'ambience' to speak of. The first unique thing was the menu, bound inside two wooden boards carved like ornate doors. Not expecting much, we stuck to the usual options - biryani, chicken kebabs, a mutton gravy and some rotis. But man oh man.....the flavour.... the heavenly, gorgeous, mouth-watering flavour!!!! I was stunned ..... I couldn't imagine finding the best Indian food I'd ever tasted in a small coastal town in the UAE!!!

For the next three days, we took all our meals there. And they just kept getting better. We must have tried almost everything on the menu. But for me, there was nothing more beautiful, more exquisite, more perfect than the paratha. A hardcore non-vegetarian, it wasn't the succulent kebabs or the excellent fish fry that I fell for, but the paratha. If I could, I'd compose sonnets in its name, and for chef Abdul, God bless the man. After years of eating parathas that were dry, rubbery, tough or over-browned, here was a gorgeous work of art -- all glowing orange against a shimmery cream..... flaky, marvelously soft and oh so tasty! Truly love at first bite!!!

Holidays and the Circus

Yes, after a verrrry long time, I went on a holiday - brief, but memorable and loads of fun. We drove to the east coast of the UAE to calm Khorfakkan. Rocky hills on one side and a gorgeous blue sea on the other, it was peaceful and rejuvenating, except on the second day, when it was cloudy and wet and we couldn't go out. Anyway, that evening the wind really picked up: I've never seen chairs and lounges end up in a swimming pool before!!!

What I loved best was the sea because it was the real deal, not like the man-made Corniche at AD. Of course, the Khorfakkan sea is also flat, but at least its got more personality than the artificially still waters of the AD Corniche. When we weren't on the beach, we ended up at the Al Safeer store (on all three days). Not surprisingly, we ended up buying quite a bit, but it was quite cheap actually, so my conscience wasn't all that troubled.

Its a quiet life there, especially for the citified types used to the hustle and bustle of crowds. But that, and the fabulous private beach at the Oceanic Hotel , makes it worth the cost and the 4-hour drive for a quick and refreshing weekend getaway.

I was sorry to leave, but had plenty to look forward to the next day: I was going to watch the Cirque du Soleil!!! And what a performance it was....you could throw in all the superlatives and still not do the show justice, so I'm not going to try. I just hope I'm able to watch another show someday, perhaps treat my family to it. Inshallah!

My Firsts...

This is something I'll keep updating, as & when I remember them and as & when they happen: a record of the 'firsts' in my life, or at least most of them. Just a thought that struck me this evening. So here goes - my first time:

• caught in a sandstorm - Jumeirah Beach Park, Dubai: October 1997
• parasailing - Coral Island, Thailand: Summer 2001
• receiving a birthday surprise - Mumbai: 2002
• at a disco - Mumbai: July 2002
• at an open-air dance party - Ramoji Film City, Hyderabad: January 2003
• trekking (sort of!) - Khandala: October 2004
• receiving a paycheck - Mumbai: May 2005
• (and hopefully last time) wading through waist-high floods - Mumbai: 26th July 2005
• at a gym - Mumbai: November 2005
• baking (all by myself) - Abu Dhabi: June 2006 onwards
• taking swimming lessons - Abu Dhabi: August 2006
• in near-freezing temperatures (although artificial) - Ski Dubai: 31st Dec 2006
• watching live juggling and flamenco acts - Mall of the Emirates: 12th Jan 2007
• watching the Cirque du Soleil (Quidam) - Ibn Batutta Mall: 19th Jan 2007
• in Europe!!!!! - June 2007
• playing with real snow - Switzerland, June 2007
• eating caviar - Abu Dhabi, August 2008

Apocalypt-oh!

You know how sometimes you're emotionally blackmailed into doing something you don't really want to, but you give in just to see the other person happy? That's how I ended up going to watch Apocalypto on one of the last days of 2006. Watching the trailer earlier, I was interested in the story, and being directed by Mel Gibson, I knew it would be worth it. But the sight of the pierced-and-painted cast disturbed me - I wasn't sure I could sit through the whole movie. Still, accomodating and generous soul that I am :), I went along.

And I'm so glad that I did. Not only was it one of the best movies I've ever seen (the underwater birth and the scene where the blood spurts after the hero strikes the sadistic guy had me gasping in shock!), but it had a message that has become my personal mantra. It was when the hero's father tells him not to be afraid - that fear taints the heart and leads to downfall. For me, 2006 was a year that brought the biggest changes in my life and the pessimist in me taking over. I'm not a natural optimist; I've always had to consciously boost my positive side, but this time, I wasn't able to do that. I was wallowing; despite knowing it, I couldn't seem to fight off the gloom.

That movie got through though. That one sentence, one thought about not giving in to fear struck a chord. I'm quite conservative, wimpy even, most of the time - there's always been some sort of fear in my mind: fear of what others think of me, fear of failure, of embarrassment, of rejection, of the future. And I realise now that all these fears have, many times, kept me from doing things, experiencing things, I might have enjoyed.

So I tell myself now, everyday, to live each day and open up to whatever chances and opportunities come my way. I am not afraid.

Sweet!!!

There's been a frenzy of activity in my kitchen over the past few days....as there usually is this time of year. Our mix of Christmas sweets includes the best of the west & east. From cookies and toffees to laddoos and burfis, we've been making them all. But it's the desi ones that really fascinated me this time.

As I stood, relentlessly stirring one mix after another (and giving my right arm a helluva workout!), I started thinking about how these sweets evolved. The same basic ingredients in varying proportions, heated to different temperatures, stirred or beaten for different durations with varying strength, produce results so distinct in taste, texture and firmness. These aren't quick-fix, all-in-one-go recipes, but time-consuming and painstaking labours of love that call for a great deal of precision: heat it too fast or too long, beat it too less or too much and you have a disaster on your hands (as we learnt the hard way!!).

I've always been a sweet addict. I'd savour every bite, but I'd never thought about the process that creates these luscious sweets. Having expended considerable energy in that process this past week, I have a newfound respect for all sweet-makers. Hats off to all those countless people down the centuries who've experimented with the....chemistry, I suppose, of these sweets and helped further these delectable traditions.

Great Greats

On a lark, Dad googled our "family name" today....and it turned up one very surprising result - a genealogy of my family dating back to the 18th century, made by some distant, distant, relative I've never even heard of. It also contains references to my great-great grandfather and my great-grandfather. Apparently, my great-great grandfather was a philanthropist....he set up a school for children from all walks of life to study in. A school that was later managed by my great-grandfather.

I had never before paid any thought to my ancestors....they were after all, dead and gone a very long time, and I'm a child of this "here and now" generation. But as I read about their incredible achievements, I was struck by a profound sense of awe and....words can't describe the emotion that welled up. These men stood for equality at a time when it was unheard of....championing the cause in their little corner of the world. I won't say anything more, I'm still too overwhelmed. Just wanted to record this.

LSD

As brand "me" enters the online matrimony market, my darling sis has given me a label - LSD - short for 'light social drinker'. One of the matrimony sites inquires about drinking preferences, so the folks and I checked the LSD option without giving it much thought, although mum had a feeling eyebrows would be raised among the extended family.

Raised eyebrows were the least of it. There were looonng debates across the continents. Tears were shed too. "Why should you mention such a thing when you're looking to get married???" Why not, we countered. I'm no party animal or a binge drinker, I said.....I indulge in one drink on a handful of occasions and I like trying out new cocktails. I appreciate a well-crafted drink and always stay within my limits. I see no shame in it whatsoever, and definitely, not something to hide from a prospective mate.

All our arguments don't seem to have achieved anything - they still believe that "such things" are unmentionable topics, especially for a girl. But the inbox flooded with mails expressing interest in me suggest otherwise. It's really mum who handles this, but I'd seen a few 'profiles'.....and then I started noticing something, which made me go through all the profiles. Only a handful had ticked the LSD option; all the 30-40 others were apparently 'non-drinkers'.

This shocked the hell out of me. One or two men may be teetotalers, but for so many to state that they don't drink just reeks of bullshit. And if they're all such puritans, why would they then contact a girl who 'drinks'? The hypocrisy in this just leaves me shaking my head. Why, in this day and age, is it so shameful to state that you drink? I'm not talking about bingeing or anything like that, but an occasional drink in the company of friends & family. If you behave responsibly, why can't you frankly acknowledge it? Do you think that saying you don't drink puts you on a higher moral plane? Why the pretense, especially on a forum where you're looking for a life partner? Isn't honesty in a relationship more important than keeping up so-called appearances?

Responsible Decisions

This is something I'll try and do regularly: post a brief about spectacular sermons. This evening the priest spoke about the decision to love and follow God. He said that many people follow God based on "feelings" - they're powerfully moved by something or the other and "feel" very strongly for God and so, they decide to follow Him. But what of tomorrow, or the next day, when that "feeling" may not be as strong? Therefore, the decision to follow God must be based in our very beliefs and convictions, and not in something as transient as a feeling. The decision to follow God calls for responsibility, which doesn't change according to our feelings.

He drew a wonderful, and apt, comparison with a parent or a spouse: you may feel great love towards your children or your partner today....but in the course of life, there are times when we get angry with the ones we love; our feelings are not necessarily affectionate all the time. Does that mean we leave them, or stop caring? No. We maintain these relationships, because at the heart of it, there's a conviction that this person belongs to us and that we're responsible for them all the time regardless of how we feel.

Oh Diya!

Today I spent my first Diwali in this country. Tried to recreate the festive spirit at home...lit plenty of diyas and candles. But though they totally make a place come alive with their glowing warmth, can't say it was really the same as what I've been used to all these years.

It isn't about the firecrackers, or how festive everything looks, or about the awesome sweets, or that you get a couple of days holiday. It's about the people. Now that I'm here in this strange new country, I realise how completely festivals are about the people in our lives. Family and friends meeting, sharing, laughing together. Even strangers acknowledging each other with a passing "Happy Diwali". Took all of it for granted when I had it. But no more.

So as I light still more diyas, I'll say a prayer for all the special people in my life and hope this season ushers in light and warmth in all our lives.

I penned these words years ago at a time when I was really low. In support of my new-found optimism, I'm posting them here...as a reminder to me.

"Trapped, enslaved, I want to break free.
There’s so much to do, so much to see.
But these shackles deny. Till I realise,
The only thing stopping me, is me."